figuring out how to be...

Tonight was one of those nights with middle schoolers that I actually brought on myself because I served them soda someone had donated (if only they would donate caffeine free organic chamomile tea, right?) and allowed them to eat the oreos they found at the end of the scavenger hunt.  Then, inspired by the family dinners at Covecrest, I put out some big paper for them to doodle on during dinner.  In hindsight, the combination of caffeine + frosting + magic markers was a bit much.

This resulted in no “discussion” time where deep thoughts were shared and insights into the Christian life were gained.  No, this was a night where I had to actually say, “there is nothing funny about Hitler jokes” and assure a seventh grader that Mark Hart—the guy on the video leading bible study-- was not one of the guys in “Hangover 2”.   One of those nights when lots of words were being said but very little conversation actually occurring. 

It was during one of those monologues that a newer student said quietly, “I’m just still trying to figure out how I’m supposed to be here” and I snapped back, “a good way to do that is talk less and listen more”.  Then I tried to, again, reign the conversation back around to the point about keeping holy the Sabbath that I was trying to make.

It was only an hour later, when they had gone home and I was scraping oreo frosting and frayed nerves off the floor that I realized I had totally failed.

See, middle school youth ministry will make you mental, but it’s also truly a gifted moment to be present in these kid’s lives.  They ARE figuring out how they’re supposed to be.  Not just at youth group but everywhere.  Church, school, family, volleyball…  You name it, in every area they are in a state of becoming.   Tonight, I missed my opportunity and focused too much on trying to control the chaos and too little on the doors the kiddos were opening with their questions. 

Should middle schoolers be allowed to interrupt or make Hitler jokes?  No.  But do they know that yet?  Maybe not.  I forget that for some kiddos, this is the first time they’ve sat at a table of peers and adults and been invited to simply share what’s on their mind and heart.  It’s going to take them some time to learn what’s appropriate and not appropriate to say and do. 

Meanwhile, I need to be patient while they figure out how they’re supposed to be—correcting when necessary but encouraging in excess, realizing that these small moments are a small part of the foundation of who they will be as mature Catholics. 

I also need to portion those oreos.

be a reservoir

Yesterday, I attended an afternoon Advent retreat hosted by Adam and Lori Ubowski and the Catholic Young Adults from the Diocese of Pensacola-Tallahassee.  I feel like I'm still recovering from Thanksgiving, NCCYM and trying to pull off a few new Advent traditions with youth ministry at St. John's and by the time 2:45 p.m. rolled around, I just wanted to crawl back into bed.

Plus, between columns and programing, I felt like I had done nothing BUT write and think about Advent.  The second candle hadn't even been lit, and I was advented-out.  I crammed to come up with 172 more words for the Island Packet column due that afternoon and reluctantly trudged out the door.

I sat down to hear Father Chris LeBlanc begin the retreat and realized that in all the rushing of the past few weeks, I hadn't thoughtfully prayed or listened for God yet in this season.  Sitting there, without a pen or paper or laptop open for brainstorming and scheduling, I finally stopped thinking about how to explain or encourage others to engage Advent and actually think about the state of MY soul.

Duh.

In The Soul of the Apostolate by Dom Jean-Baptiste Chautard, OCSO, he states:

"Is there anyone who does not know St. Bernard's saying, to apostles [apostles here is used to describe all in ministry, both lay and consecrated]:  'If you are wise, you will be reservoirs and not channels.'...  The channels let the water flow away, and do not retain a drop.  But the reservoir is first filled, and then, without emptying itself, pours out its overflow, which is ever renewed, over the fields which it waters.  How many there are devoted to works, who are never anything but channels, and retain nothing for themselves, but remain dry while trying to pass on lifegiving grace to souls!  'We have many channels in the Church today,' St. Bernard added sadly, 'but very few reservoirs'."

As I work through the "second first year" at my new parish, the temptation to be seen "doing" is very strong.  I feel like it's important to be at the office for "regular office hours" and not be seen just sitting in Church when I should be working.  However, the relief and peace that came from taking time sitting and listening to a talk about my own spiritual growth (NOT the growth of a ministry or program, which is not the same thing) reminded me, once again, of the importance of being a reservoir.

For what good is it if you have the best ministry events calendar in the world, but in the process lose your soul?

they grow up so fast...

This year has been interesting, because while I begin as a youth minister in a brand new parish—learning the ins and outs how to not make a lock-in conflict with volleyball and (this is a new one) trying to figure out a “pastoral” response to illegal spear fishing stories—I’m also watching some of my “first” kiddos experience their first year in the real world via the Twitter and Facebook.  The sixth graders who came to youth group when I was 23 and part-time at my first parish are now all grown up.  So, in the midst of the steady stream of humility that is life as a first year youth minister, I’m also rejoicing in these moments:

The text message that my blog on chaste dating was helpful.

The facebook status update about voting (pro-life) for the first time.

Finding out they’ve applied (and been accepted) to Franciscan University.

A beautiful instagram photo with the caption, “The Lord is everywhere”.

If you’re new to youth ministry and overwhelmed with just how…  young… the kiddos are and find yourself wondering if getting pelted with dodgeballs and shouting a lesson over the din of middle school giggles is EVER going to yield any fruit, know that one day these gangly sixth graders are going to be adults.  And while their parents are the most influential, you may be able to look at their facebook statuses and imagine that the retreats, conferences and conversations you dragged them through did something positive to form them into the Catholic adults they have become.  That is an awesome feeling.

So to all you 23 year olds who are surviving on cold pizza, entry level youth minister salaries and sheer grace, dig in.  The first couple years are tough, but you’re making a difference.  I wish you’d believe me when I say that, but I didn’t so you probably won’t.  However, put prayer first and don’t lose your soul, put yourself second so you don’t burn out—and you’ll be amazed that these kiddos who you once caught playing “lemonade pong” on retreat are now mature, Catholic, adults.  And once you see that first round grow up, the dodge balls don’t feel quite so hard.

Transitions

In the past three months I led my first international mission trip, finished the youth ministry job I had held full time on Hilton Head since something like 2008, moved to Panama City, Florida and have begun my second ever full-time youth ministry gig at St. John the Evangelist in the Diocese of Pensacola Tallahassee. 

Whew.

Now, as I sit here sipping coffee in a lovely little apartment right on a bayou furnished far beyond my expectations due to the generosity of friends here, I’ve reached that point where I feel grounded enough in the present to be able to reflect on the last couple months and a share a bit. 

The Mission Trip

Click here to read my reasons for taking kids on an overseas trip.  

20 youth and adults traveled to Mustard Seed Communities in Nicaragua this past June.  From one youth minister to another, let me recommend this.  While we’ve had great experiences with domestic mission trips, the experience of traveling to another country really challenged us all and made us more aware of just how universal our Church is. Something unique about our trip was that we had a lot of diversity:  our youngest participant was a rising 9^th grader, we had teens, young adults who were married, single, in seminary and retirees.  The variety of gifts and perspectives was really enriching.  While I didn't plan to have so many different ages present, if I could do it again I'd make it a point!

I'd really recomend  Mustard Seed Communities as well—from a logistics perspective, they are attentive to our “first world problems” and take great care to provide meals and accommodations that kept us comfortable.  For years I had been afraid of an international trip, because I was all too familiar with the many things that can go wrong.  However, I never worried with Mustard Seed and would encourage youth ministers on the fence to take the plunge.

In addition, their ministry is very special-- serving the most vulnerable of society.  The home in which we stayed in Nicaragua housed teens and young adults with disabilities, and it was a real gift to interact with the kids and staff everyday.  There is a innate respect for the dignity of the human person present in this community.  Watching the staff care for the children was a powerful testimony to the reality that our worth doesn't lie in what we do but who we are.  

In case you missed some of my reflections on this trip:

The Island Packet:  Don't Let Technology Ruin A Good Conversation

Lifeteen.com:  What Are Your #FirstWorldProblems?

The Catholic Miscellany:  The Poor In Nicaragua...Witness to Christ

An Air-Mattress Free Summer

It seems that youth ministry and busy summers are inevitable.  Besides the actual move, this summer was the first July in years that I wasn’t spending most of it on the road.  Because of the timing of my move, I didn’t attend Steubenville Atlanta or Bosco and while I missed the community with my partners in catechesis, it was awfully refreshing to spend two months without constant demands on my nights and weekends.  While I’m excited to plunge back into a “normal” summer schedule next year, I’m also going to be a little more prudent with how much I commit to and remember how great it was to actually see friends and family (which is what I hear most people do in these lazy months).  

Transitioning Parishes

While I was sad to leave my hometown and a parish that had been so good to me, I’ve felt abundantly blessed in this process.  My parish hired a talented youth minister to replace me and she spent three weeks shadowing me part-time and was able to join us on our mission trip.  While I’m not sure how much I actually “taught” her in my scatter-brained pre-move, pre-mission trip state of mind, seeing how well she bonded with the teens, parents and staff left me confident that the youth ministry was in good hands.  As much as we try to not feel possessive about ministry and keep reminding ourselves that it’s all God’s, the reality of this cannot be escaped when the time comes to actually hand the keys to the office over to someone else.

Now, it's interesting to begin that "first year" in ministry again, this time with a bit more perspective.  As I begin a second first year, I'm finding that my priorities are very different from my first first year.  When I began as a young'un in my first parish, my priorities were to meet teens and fill a schedule.  This time, my priorities are prayer and building a network of volunteers and a Core team.  It's nice to approach ministry with the understanding that the Holy Spirit does this all a lot better than I do.  It's also nice to be in the business of getting to see, first hand, just how God provides.